Somehow I forgot to "always look on the bright side of life"!!

This week I've felt like Picasso, evolving from a "blue" period to a much "pinker" one.

Several factors have influenced this change, but mainly two: For one thing, not having to go to work has been a huge help. For another, seeing an nice old friend really cheered me up!

So... I might not be a completely unhappy person after all. I guess when I was writing my last blog the clouds were completely hiding the sun from me. Unfortunately, part of what I wrote is still true, I painfully have to admit that.

Today I can declare that being happy or unhappy is not a way of life, just a simple state of mind. And, in my case, states of mind obviously vary from one day/week to the next.

Of course, if I had to choose, I'd pick this happier mood any day of the week and twice on Sunday! (you gotta love "A few good men"!)

When unhappiness becomes the way of being happy

Two days ago I caught a huge cold and I've been feeling pretty sick and miserable. I had to stay at home for a couple of days and had time to do a lot of thinking (basically, the only thing I could do).
The cloud that filled my head led me to feel that I am completely unable to live a happy life. Unhappiness seems to be my usual state of mind these days. Maybe the problem is that I have become happy feeling unhappy. Isn't that sad? I've come to be isolated most of the time and I am not making any efforts to change this situation anymore (would I even know how to change it if I really wanted to?). My friends have gone on with their lives and are focused in their own families, which is the "normal" thing to do (I've always had problems understanding what that word embraces and when something stands out as "normal" ↝ There you have a pretty paradox!). Somewhere along the line I got left behind and now it's going to be hard (if not impossible) to catch up again (whatever it is I need to catch up on). I've always had my ups and downs, in fact, my life is basically a mental roller coaster, but I cannot recall ever feeling this lonely. When they talk about single people they don't explain how hard it can be to keep living a normal life (there goes that word again!) when all your acquaintances have moved on to a different path and you come to be not only single, but completely alone. I haven´t allowed myself the freedom to explore the real world (always dreaming, hardly ever living) and been tied up to the (imaginary) "fidelity to an idea". I am, once again, the perfect example of "the road not taken"... My whole life I've told myself and others that I was independent and that I loved being single. The first part still holds true, but not the second. I know I can manage on my own, but I don't want to be alone anymore (although through experience I'm getting unhappily used to it↝Does that make any sense?).

Images of broken light

Words are not "flying out like endless rain into a paper cup"...

I'm finding it very hard to express any of the things I want to say lately. Instead, I have gone back to my Fotolog again. Sometimes it seems easier to speak through my camera, even if it is the one from my iPhone...

http://www.fotolog.com/edermac